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The Ethics of Leadership
I like to dance. I have always liked to dance. One of my favorite kinds of dance these days is English Country dancing, in which all the dancers line up in two lines, each person facing his/her partner, and go through a series of movements that bring them in touch, not only with their partners, but with all the other people in the lines. In English Country dancing one partner plays the role of leader and one the role of follower. Their movements tend to mirror one another. I say leader and follower because most dances are gender neutral, in which anyone can lead and anyone can follow, as opposed to dances in which the male always leads and the female follows. Several years ago I took swing dance lessons, (East Coast). That kind of dancing is done with one partner, of course. The leader there has much more to say about what happens in the dance. Raise an arm and the follower goes under. Push off a hand and the follower does the pinwheel, position yourself side by side and you'll do the Charleston step. And so on.
Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote: A good relationship has a pattern like a dance and is built on some of the same rules. The partners do not need to hold on tightly, because they move confidently in the same pattern, intricate but gay and swift and free, like a country dance of Mozart's. To touch heavily would be to arrest the pattern and freeze the movement, to check the endlessly changing beauty of its unfolding. There is no place here for the possessive clutch, the clinging arm, the heavy hand; only the barest touch in passing. Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back - it does not matter which. Because they know they are partners moving to the same rhythm, creating a pattern together, and being invisibly nourished by it. The joy of such a pattern is not only the joy of creation or the joy of participation, it is also the joy of living in the moment. Lightness of touch and living in the moment are intertwined.
It occurs to me that leadership, at its best, also has a pattern like a dance. The Merriam Webster Dictionary says that to lead means to guide on the way, to direct a course of action, to be out front. Many people commonly define leadership as the ability to inspire and persuade other people to do things. A leader influences people. How? The person who influences me has proved him/herself capable and deserving of trust and respect; holds a consistent integrity and dedication to a worthy cause; regularly reminds me of the larger purpose, the dream, the vision; shares his/her passion; creatively involves others in the work. In other words, those I have found to be the best leaders are the people I trust to think beyond themselves and their own self-interest, to care, and to include me as a co-creator in the vision, the planning, and the work.
Inspire, persuade, guide, direct, include, influence: leadership is relational. Leadership is relational and that is why it has a pattern like a dance. One does not lead alone. For one to lead means that another one must follow. Sometimes, as with English Country dance, the patterns of leader and follower simply mirror one another. "Now arm in arm, now face to face, now back to back - it does not matter which. Sometimes, as in Swing Dance, the leader drives the dance. But in both, as Lindbergh says, the partners move to the same rhythms and create a pattern together that nourishes both. There's joy in the creation; there's joy in the participation. Leadership is based upon the relationship of leader and follower. And conversely, every relationship we have has its patterns of leading and following. Think of your own relationships. When do you lead? When do you follow? Let it be a dance we do.
The ethics of leadership then, are, first and foremost, the ethics of relationship. For Unitarian Universalists, that means recognition of the interconnections that hold us each to each. We honor the connections when we honor and respect the dignity of each person, when we uphold justice, equity, compassion, peace and liberty in human relations, when we care for the earth and other living beings on it. For us, an ethic of relationship is an ethic of connection. A UU ethic of leadership, then, rests upon the moral imperatives of honoring the connections between us. It means structuring a shared version of the common good, involving people in determining what we are about and what our vision is, and then, together, working toward it. And if we cannot fully agree upon that definition of the common good, or how to get there, we are, nevertheless, committed to finding common ground upon which to build.
I think you can see how the ethic of leadership I propose has little to do with much of our governmental and/or economic leadership today. The ethic there, if there is one, looks twofold. First, it has to do with a win-lose perspective, in which the purpose is to defeat those who disagree, those who have grown from being the noble opposition into being the enemy. The climate today feels as though we are at war internally and the leaders are the generals, out to destroy the other side. Secondly, the ethic seems almost entirely individualistic. The common good has shrunk down to the individual good. We see this in the alarming instances of corruption and influence peddling in our elected representatives, both Democrat and Republican. Or in the ever growing disparity of wealth between those who have and those who have not. And such an ethic exists, not only among so many of our leaders, but also within those of us who are the followers. Too many of us tend to want to crush our opponents, those who disagree with us, those who have become our enemies. Too many of us make our choices and declare our opinions, with reference only to what we think will benefit ourselves. It's unfortunate, and at the same it's understandable. It's hard to see the big picture and it's much easier to see the smaller picture in front of us. It's hard to find the common good in a world as uncertain as ours. Nevertheless, the ethic of win-lose and individualism above all else, on every level of society, is doing our country great harm. It puts tears in our social fabric that will be hard to mend. That ethic needs to be challenged by an ethic of connection, of relationship. We can be among the people who do this.
Leadership that understands itself as carrying out an ethic of relationship lies within the Unitarian Universalist tradition and principles and values. Yet such an ethic of leadership presents a great challenge to our congregations. When we dance we can hold on too tightly and freeze the movement; and at the same time we can touch too loosely and disrupt the pattern. Not because Unitarian Universalists are unethical people, overly focusing upon winning and losing, only concerned with ourselves, but rather because we too lose the big picture in this uncertain world. Sometimes we lose it in individualism, but mostly we lose it out of the habitual focus of busy, often overwhelmed people, namely to focus upon leadership as getting things done as quickly as possible, without an equal focus upon how we get things done. Yet an ethic of relationship is as much about the how as it is about the what.
Long ago and far away, in a congregation not ours, when I was very active as a lay person, I chaired a committee and quickly was asked to join the Board. Brilliant, capable people on that board, all dedicated to the well being of their congregation. Yet it became apparent to me that decisions were made, not by the board in board meetings, but by the president and vice president in the diner after the board meetings. Or in the parking lot. Or by the committee chair on the telephone with her friend. People were friendly enough, but they were not inclusive. They did not mean to exclude, but it was simply easier to do everything with their friends, or quicker and less frustrating to do everything themselves. They were busy people. People in positions of leadership were not dancing with anyone but each other. Not because they were unethical. It was just more efficient that way and it was what they were used to doing. It helped them to get things done quickly. But I wanted to be dancing too. I wanted the others to dance. So when I became president, I chose the theme of inclusion and many people responded to that. At the same time we tried to take care of how these efforts would seem to the former leaders. We re-wrote the bylaws putting term limits upon committee chairs so that more people could take a turn at leadership. We worked together as a board to make decisions. Everything we did, we undertook with an eye toward how it would include, rather than exclude people. It meant more communication, longer lead time for planning, delegating, following through, teaching others. We created systems that supported the sharing of information, the development of leaders and the supporting of each other. We paid attention to how we did things because we knew that not paying attention to how and only focusing upon what we got done would not align with our mission of inclusion and welcome. The result was that within three years the congregation grew to its highest membership, the pledging and fund raising numbers grew to their highest levels, the atmosphere of caring deepened and increased, and all of the programs became more vital. And no one resigned.
Applying such an ethic of relationship to our leadership is challenging and can put us on a learning curve that feels steep as we change our habits and dance new dances. Yet the dividends it pays are very great indeed.
What are the habits and the patterns that hinder the progression of the dance? In a UU congregation? In this congregation? In the work place? In the home? What kind of a leader are you? What kind of a follower? Dancing, however mild, involves physical activity. Dancers are in motion together. Leaders and followers need each other to keep moving in the same patterns. Dancers need to pay attention to the beat of the music. The point of the dance is the pleasure of uniting the movement of bodies with the movement of the music for a certain span of time. One doesn't rush through the steps in order to get the dance over with. Leadership is not only about getting things done. It's also about enjoying the music with your companion dancers. The leader can't become a lone ranger and do everything her/himself and leave the followers in the dust. Not if the dance is to continue. Not if anyone else is ever to learn it. The follower can't lean upon the leader, depending on him/her to do all the moving, to know everything, while the follower just comes along for the ride. Not if the dance is to continue. We freeze the dance when we do not communicate adequately, when we do not allow enough time for planning or involving other people, when we miss deadlines, when we do not follow through with what we said we would do or do not let anybody know that we cannot. We stop the dance when we simply stand on the side and watch the others. When we do not take our turn on the dance floor.
And if the dance does not continue, what happens to the relationship? Do people still feel a part of it? "Hyakujo, the Chinese Zen Master, used to labor with his pupils even at the age of eighty, trimming the gardens, cleaning the grounds, pruning the trees. The pupils felt sorry to see the old teacher working so hard, but they knew he would not listen to their advice to stop, so they hid away his tools. That day the master did not eat. The next day he did not eat, nor the next. He may be angry because we have hidden his tools, the pupils surmised. We had better put them back. The day they did, the teacher worked and ate the same as before. In the evening he instructed them, No work, no food." (Zen Flesh, Zen Bones)
Dancing is about participation and timing and leading/following is about participation and timing. Our perceived lack of time causes us to lose sight of the big picture; to pay attention only to what we do and not also to how we do things. Our perceived lack of time leads us not to communicate, not to plan, not to involve others, not to pass along what we have learned. Our perceived lack of time holds us back from taking our turn at leadership and volunteering. The cost of that to the relationship is huge. Robert Frost wrote:
Something we were withholding made us weak. Until we found out that it was ourselves We were withholding from our land of living, . . .
How do you manage your time? Or does time manage you? I know that I need to schedule things because when I do I set aside the time for them. When I have a big job to do I break it down into smaller jobs. When I have a longer term big job to do I first make a list of what I have to do. Then I make a time line of when I have to have the various parts done. Then I break the parts up into chunks and work at them for a certain amount of time each day or when I can. So if I have to clean out the basement I will determine a due date for when I want to accomplish that and then I might tackle it one wall at a time, for a half hour each day. It's a discipline, yes. But it allows me to pay attention to that which is important to me. It gives me an opportunity to make choices according to an ethic of relationship. Our perceived lack of time blinds us to the fact that we do have some discretion about what we choose to do, how we choose to spend our time. What we choose and whether or not we exercise our ability to choose says a lot about us. What is it that really prevents us from fully embodying an ethic of relationship in our leadership styles and in our lives?
In any congregation leadership and how we do leadership is a perennial growing edge and it is no different here. This is a critical time in the life of UUCC, with a transition of ministry coming up this summer. Join the dance. If you have been considering membership in this congregation, know that some important votes are on the horizon and you can have a say in the choices to be made. If you are thinking about membership, please talk to me. Join the dance. Take a turn at leading, take a turn at following. Don't stand on the sidelines. Committees and special projects and groups can use your participation. Leadership positions are open, particularly for the Adult and Family Activities. Don't withhold yourself. Talk to me about this. Join the dance. Make a pledge to support the operations of this congregation. Do it today.
And when you join the dance, as many of you have and as many of you will, remember that leadership is based upon relationship. Be as mindful of the way you lead as what you accomplish in your leadership. Be mindful of how you use your time. Know yourself and your own work habits. Ask yourself if your practices include people? Do they exclude people? Are you keeping the patterns of the dance going or do you stand in the way? Everything you need to know about leadership practices is available to you. You can learn them if you don't already know them. Talk to me. Join the dance. We are creating here an alternative way of being together as a community of people unrelated by blood, or clan or tribe. We belong when we choose to belong. Our ethic is an ethic of relationship and all that we do is in service of the connections we have to one another and to the wider world beyond these doors. We are not about many of the ways of the world: individualistic greed for money and power, or destroying those who disagree with us. We are about finding ways to create community in which each person can reach his/her greatest potential within an atmosphere of healthy, nurturing relationships. Do not underestimate the importance of what we're doing here. Regarding leadership, do not underestimate the importance of what we do and how we do it. Especially in times of great change, we need everybody on the dance floor. Let it be a dance we do.
Song #311 Let It Be A Dance
Closing words by Lao Tzu
Go to the people. Live with them. Learn from them. . . . Start with what they know; build with what they have. But with the best leaders, when the work is done, the task accomplished, the people will say, we have done this ourselves!