What are some of the most important words we can say to one another? (I love you; I’m sorry; I forgive you; I see you; Thank you . . . ) Why thank you? What is the power of a thank you? Didn’t our mothers teach us always to say please and thanks? Is this about more than politeness; more than social niceties? Today we celebrate a Thank You Sunday, formerly called Three Cheers for Volunteers. The Welcome committee has already sent out thank you notes, personalized, and they have special treats for today. It’s good to have such a general thank you service because it not only gives an opportunity for thanks, it also lets us see how many people actively participate in the life of our congregation. It’s also good to make personal thanks, which is what I want to reflect upon today.

Saying thank you to another person is a powerful act. Whether in person, by phone, by e-mail or note. Whether in joys and sorrows, or in some other public forum. Why? Because a sincere thank you, not a polite or perfunctory thank you, but a sincere one, conveys three messages. First, that we have seen the person we thank. We have noticed them; we have paid attention to what they have said and/or done. Second, we have appreciated their words and/or deeds. They meant something to us. We have been touched. Third, we have recognized the other’s point of view. We have acknowledged that they have made choices. We have affirmed them. What wonderful gifts to offer one another: visibility, appreciation, affirmation. Saying thank you, in its biggest sense, is an act of love. And love makes a difference.

Tell me the weight of a snowflake, a coal mouse asked a wild dove. Nothing more than nothing, the dove answered. In that case, I must tell you a marvelous story, the coal mouse said. I sat on a fir branch close to the trunk when it began to snow. Not heavily, not in a raging blizzard. No, just like in a dream, without any violence. Since I didn't have anything better to do, I counted the snowflakes settling on the twigs and needles of my branch. Their number was exactly 3,471,952. When the next snowflake dropped onto the branch--nothing more than nothing--as you say, the branch broke off. Having said that, the coal mouse ran away. Sometimes our thank you, our noticing, our gratitude makes all the difference.

Those of us who received visits from stewards during our pledge campaign had the pleasure of receiving a thank you note from the steward as a follow-up to the visit. Kathy Eberlein wrote me one and I can tell you that the personal nature of it, the observations she made about me, the appreciation, the affirmation, the recognitions she offered, meant a lot. Saying thank you can be an inspiration and an encouragement to the person thanked to continue along the path.

Or this piece of art which Jane Bloodgood-Abrams made for me on behalf of the congregation in 2001. It has quotes on it, made by you about me, which she then painted or batiked onto the silk. Look at how beautiful this is. It says things like “sense of humor, thoughtful, eloquent, always there for us, common sense, spiritually grounded, remarkable intellect . . .” I’m not showing you this to toot my own horn, but to tell you the power of this thank you. I will always treasure it. I will always feel seen and appreciated at my best. It makes a difference to me. It makes a huge difference because what do most, if not all, of us want but to be known and to be valued for who we are? This thank you is one of the most spiritual gifts I have ever been given. And for the one doing the thanking, the thanks come back to us like a boomerang. When we see that our gratitude expressed has made an impression, has brightened someone’s day, has forged a greater bond between us, we too experience the appreciation, affirmation and recognition of thanks. Our thank you sets off a thank you back to us.

To this end, an ancient Jewish story: A rabbi spoke with god about heaven and hell. I will show you hell said god, and they went into a room which held a large pot of stew in the middle. The smell was delicious, but around the pot sat people who were famished and desperate. All were holding spoons with very long handles which reached to the pot, but because the handles of the spoons were longer than their arms, it was impossible to get the stew back into their mouths. Their suffering was terrible. Now I will show you heaven, said god, and they went into an identical room. There was a similar pot of stew, and the people had identical spoons, but they were well nourished and happy, talking with each other. At first the rabbi didn't understand. Simple, said god. You see, they have learned to feed each other. Now we might agree that saying thank you is a connecting, loving action, even a spiritual action. But how many of us can honestly assert that we say thank you as often as we might? How many of us have no regrets about the lack of appreciation we have shown to others? Hmmmm. What’s going on? First, perhaps we do not pay attention. Saying thank you asks that we pay attention. Perhaps we do not notice what others do and say. Far easier to notice what goes wrong; what does not satisfy us, what does not meet our expectations, desires, wants or needs. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, as the saying goes. Easy to complain. Which does’t mean we should overlook what doesn‘t work “ that’s not my point at all. I’m suggesting that getting into the habit of noticing the kind, the remarkable, the ordinary good things that people do and responding to them with thank you is a helpful, useful practice and one that will not only light up our lives and the lives of those we thank, but also make it easier and more possible to address problems, glitches, disappointments when they arise.

Also, there is a sense of entitlement in our society, fed by a consumer mentality, which tells us that we have a right to demand what we want when we want it. Thus we are quite aware when we do not get what we want, desire, need, expect, assume, and because we feel entitled, we think we have a right to let others know every time we are not pleased. We live in some pre-Copernican world, as if we believed we were the earth and that the entire universe revolved around us. It makes for something of a hostile society, in which attention to others suffers, except as objects of our own desires. I took the bus down to New York City the other week or so and those of us who travel by bus know that when we hit the thruway at New Paltz the driver gives a little speech in which she or he asks us to turn off cell phones, or if we have to use them, to make sure the occasion is important and to speak softly so as not to disturb other passengers. So I was on the bus and the young, twenty-something guy in front of me got a call on his cell. He answered it and began speaking in a loud voice, which is why I heard the whole conversation. His friend bought a motorcycle. What color? Black. What kind? (I don’t remember.) Maybe he would buy one soon. Trying to work, I felt disturbed. But the grey-bearded middle-aged man two rows in front of me, directly in front of the phone guy, turned around and politely asked the phone guy to speak more softly. To which the young man on the phone replied, roughly, “Turn around. Just turn around.” The man held his ground, asserting that he had asked him nicely to speak more softly, which only made the phone guy more rude, and loud. The driver pulled the bus to the side of the road, stopped, got out of his seat and told the guy to get off the phone, which he did. End of story. But wait a minute. Do we really want to live in a society or in a community in which each of us can do whatever we want to do, with no thought for its effects upon others, or the good of the group as a whole? Such a society, such a community, does not say thank you.

Second, thank you requires an expression of appreciation. We have noticed the other and we have appreciated something he/she has said or done and we have told them so. Many of us live hurried, preoccupied lives so that even when we do notice something that someone has done, we don’t make the time to tell them so. There is a way in which people take each other for granted. Don’t. I heard once that my PhD advisor told someone I was the best student she had ever worked with. She never said that to me and I wish she had. How many of us long for our parents’ approval, our parents’ expressed appreciation for who we are? How many of us get it? Somehow it’s easier to point out what’s wrong. It’s a protective device. We want the best for our children or ourselves and the way to get there lies in knowing what isn’t the best. Yet we need to know both “ what’s not working as well as what is in order to function optimally and happily and strongly. Think of someone in your life who noticed and appreciated you. What was that like? Think of someone you notice and appreciate. What is that like? Sometimes around this congregation I watch one of you encourage each other, or support one another’s efforts and it’s like watching flowers bloom. Last night we had a long annual meeting trying to figure out how to make the improvements around here that we want. Should we fund raise? Should we turn it over to the finance committee to make a plan? Does this belong in the budget or should it be separate? The process felt a little ragged. But you persevered and finally found a way through. After the meeting I saw people touching base with one another, making sure relationships were intact, saying thanks. Expressing our thank you’s promotes community, even amid disagreements and difficulties. Expressing our thank you’s is a part of our ethical and spiritual practice. It is that serious, that important and that beautiful. Third, thank you requires that we affirm the other person’s being; that we make an attempt to see the world through his/her eyes and know something of them. For a brief time, in thanking we glimpse another person’s intentions, what is important to them. We get why they did whatever they did. Thank you promotes a certain level of understanding. We live in a climate of great anxiety and stress. Our country is at war; our livelihoods are not secure; it’s hard to look into the future and see any solution to the massive problems we face. This causes us to lose flexibility in how we respond to whatever life throws at us. People are reactive; they shoot first and then aim. They cling to the certainties of religion or ideology and close their minds. So anything that promotes understanding and compassion between people, that encourages us to give each other some space, to be more rather than less accepting, to offer the benefit of the doubt regarding each other’s motives and intentions, to cut each other some slack, is a good thing. Thank you helps us affirm one another.

Those simple words, “thank you,” have great power to affect one another in a positive way. They let us know that we have been noticed, appreciated and affirmed. They promote generosity of spirit. A sincere thank you, even one, is an ethical action and a spiritual gift. Why not try it. When you came in you were given an index card. Let’s take a moment now, in silence, to think of someone we would like to thank. In the quiet, picture his or her face. Remember what he/she said or did that you would like to thank them for. It does not matter if this person is still in touch with you; it does not matter if this person is even still alive. Express your thanks. Write it on the card if you choose to. Thank you for ----- Maybe you will want to share your thanks, maybe you will not. Just know that your thank you opens the heart. Today we say thank you to all of you here at UUCC who have volunteered your time, shared your talents, sharpened your skills in service to this congregation. Last night at the annual meeting we had a ceremony for the transition of leadership. Today the Welcome Committee has a small treat for everyone as a way of expressing gratitude. This is for all of you, who say yes by your presence here in this congregation.

From YES by Muriel Rukeyser

Some go local
Some go express
Some can’t wait 
To answer Yes.
Some complain
Of strain and stress
Their answer may be
No for Yes.
Some like failure
Some like success
Some like Yes Yes
Yes Yes Yes.
Open your eyes,
Dream but don’t guess.
Your biggest surprise
Comes after Yes.

Song #360 Here We Have Gathered

Cupcake Communion: Welcome committee comes forward and people take a cupcake.